How can I prepare myself to become a foster parent? (Internal Things)
Welcome to Foster Parenting 101! In this series, we answer your biggest questions around foster parenting. Have a question you want us to answer? Submit it here or email emmy@justasspecial.com.
So, you’re thinking about becoming a foster parent? Excellent! This is an exciting time for you and those who support you. It can be overwhelming too, but don’t worry - there are lots of resources to support you, including this blog.
Becoming a foster parent involves a lot of preparation - both within our homes and within ourselves. In this article, we focus on what’s required to set up the internal things in our lives - our self-knowledge - as you prepare to begin your journey as a foster parent.
Self-knowledge before anything else
First things first, getting involved with foster care will take time. In fact, this process will likely take longer than you may first expect. And for good reason! From expressing interest to case assignment, the timeline may take up to six months. Sometimes this takes longer but, in cases such as these, it’s usually due to the person applying taking a bit longer to complete paperwork, get fingerprinted, or become CPF/first aid certified.
During this time, along with the training and bureaucratic processes that occur [link to external systems post], begin to get to know yourself. That’s step one of preparing to be a foster parent. It’s also one of the most important requirements.
Maybe that sounds a bit strange. Surely I know myself already, you think. And, likely, you do. But being a successful foster parent involves a deep level of self-knowledge. Why, really, have you decided to pursue this journey? What are your motivations? What are your fears? What are your limitations?
The process of getting to know yourself will help you maintain and manage your relationship with your ego. We all have one and being a foster parent can slam you up against your preconceived notions of yourself. The better you know yourself, the better a foster parent you will be.
Mental health support, such as therapy, is very helpful during this process as you get involved with foster care. If you need guidance in finding a therapist, we have several listed on our Colorado foster care resource database.
Some things to discover about yourself
In this process of self-discovery, as you get involved with foster care, you may discover some uncomfortable things about yourself.
Maybe you have some savior complex: It’s important to remember that it’s not your job to heal children as a foster parent, but it's your job to create a healthy environment and connect kids to the necessary supports so they can choose healing for themselves. Consistency, balance, and self-growth - for both ourselves and those we care for - is the key to avoiding burnout.
The concept of love can be a tricky one: Love can mean different things to different people and may bring up trauma for kids in care. Are you willing to think deeply about impact versus intent?
Physical touch can be a “touchy” subject: are you prepared to fully follow the lead of the child in your care on this and do you commit to asking for consent on all things touch, including hugs and high-fives?
Helping to raise a child involves a degree of risk (as do most things in life, let’s be honest): Do you tend to be risk avoidant or risk-seeking?? What level of risk are you comfortable with? Are you willing to focus on people over things? We bring this up because sometimes self-growth can only come through healthy, managed risk - both for ourselves and those we care for. Only you know how much healthy, managed risk is suitable for your life and situation.
Respect is an important component of all healthy relationships: Do you respect others who live differently than you? Do you respect yourself enough to give yourself self-care and set firm boundaries so you don’t burn out? Are there ways in which you could improve your ability to respect others and yourself? And remember, how you define respect isn’t how everybody defines respect.
Getting rid of expectations: Being aware of your expectations and healthily dealing with your feelings when expectations are shattered is vital to being a healthy foster parent. Can you respond to challenges creatively and with flexibility? Are you able to redefine success if needed?
One last thing to keep in mind
Preparing to become a foster parent and getting involved with foster care can be a challenge - both before and after placement. It is also an invitation to grow as a person. Remember to make space - physical, mental, and emotional - for both yourself and the kid you are caring for. And remember - not everything needs to happen or be done immediately. Being a foster parent is a journey that can be completed one little patient step at a time.
What happens now?
Starting to think about how to become a foster parent can be overwhelming. But you’re not alone! Helpful resources are available, such as our foster care resource database for the state of Colorado that was created in partnership with Cobbled Streets.
These resources address the challenges and triumphs foster families face every day while honoring diversity. Know a resource that should be included? Let us know!
Want to help out but becoming a foster parent isn’t the right decision for you right now? Consider donating or becoming a virtual volunteer with Just As Special! We’re always looking for aid from people who want to help support kids in care and foster families.