How to Welcome a Child/Youth into Your Home: A Guide to the First 24 HRS
As a foster parent, welcoming a new placement into your home can be exciting and also nerve-wracking. And it can be even more overwhelming for the child or youth coming into your home.
Here’s some things you can do within the first 24 hours to help make the transition smoother for an older child or youth.
Make Sure All the Basics are Covered
Never assume a kid has everything they need for some normalcy. They might come to your house with a lack of clothing or without the basic necessities such as a toothbrush or hairbrush.
Offer to take them shopping and provide them with some choices so they can get stuff that is familiar to them or that they can feel confident in.
For tweens and teenagers, it’s a good idea to have a stash of a variety of tampons and pads as well as personal hygiene products such as deodorant in their bathroom because some youth may feel too embarrassed to ask for these items. Just let them know where to find these items so they can have some privacy if desired.
Kids in Foster Care are More Than We Give Them Credit
Hear from Sophi, who was once labeled “a danger to others” by the foster care system, about the ways she felt misunderstood.
Food Shopping & Preparation
Food access can cause a lot of stress for kids who have not always had food available. And with all the other changes a kid must go through when moving to a new home, it can be really comforting to have familiar foods.
We suggest offering to take a kid to the grocery store within a few hours of arriving at your home and letting them choose what they usually eat for breakfast as well as some snacks. This can be a huge trust builder because you are tangibly showing the youth that you care about feeding them.
Have a special snack bin in your pantry that can be theirs and let them see you putting all the snacks into the bin and let them know that snack bin is theirs only and they can grab a snack whenever they are hungry.
Usually a kid will offer to share their snacks with you and take them up on the offer with at least a taste — even if Takis or flaming Cheetos aren’t your thing. Food is a great bonding opportunity!
Let them know where all the breakfast foods and dishes are as well in case they wake up earlier than you so they can help themselves.
Let them also have a say in what you prepare for dinner the first few days (for example, would you like spaghetti or chili?) and ask them to help prepare dinner. Kids are more likely to try something they help prepare and some kids may not trust food they did not see being prepared.
An Invitation to Share
Offer to let the child or youth pick the music you listen to when in the car or cooking dinner. Ask them what they like about certain songs or artists. Music can be a great entryway into their world! Genuinely share what you also enjoy about their musical choices, even if it’s not exactly your cup of tea.
Let them know your home is their home too — and mean it. That means being open to doing things in new ways (for example, learning to cook some of their favorite recipes) as well as inviting them to share their passions and partaking together when possible.
Start with Trust & Openness
We believe it’s best to start with a foundation of trust and openness. A child or youth in the system will usually be hyperaware if your words don’t match your actions.
A good rule of thumb is to never have something in your home that you wouldn’t be okay parting with. That way you can be focused on bonding with them and not be focused on what if something breaks or is stolen. (Stealing is very uncommon among youth in care if they feel they are being trusted.)
Let them know you will be available at any time if they need something and let them know it’s okay to knock on your bedroom door during the night as well. Sleeping in a new place is often an extremely scary experience — even for older youth — as past abuse may have happened during the night.
Set Minimal Boundaries
Set minimal boundaries (for example, no yelling or knock and wait for an answer before entering our bedroom) and let them know when you will be covering house rules more in-depth.
The first day is not the time for all the rules because kids are often in such survival mode that they will forget a lot of what you say (but not how you make them feel).
For older kids, let them know they will get some input into their rules and consequences as this increases the chances they will buy into them.
Have a Sense of Humor
Foster parenting is often fun, rewarding, surprising, and challenging all at the same time! It’s best to approach most things with a generous sense of humor and not take yourself too seriously.
Choose what really matters to you and let other things go.
And above all, remember you chose to welcome someone new into your home while the child/youth did not choose to leave their family and move in with complete strangers. Patience and understanding will go a long way in building a healthy home together!
What others ways have you welcomed a child or youth into your home?